Some Local Flavor......
It’s not easy to figure out why we don’t always feel welcomed with open arms in France. They can be a hard group to please. Sometimes the French can be rude in their quest for manners. Don’t let their behavior get to you… it’s just the way they are. When it comes to dealing with people on a daily basis, sometimes us foreigners are just not up to par. After thirty years of living in Paris, here are some tips I’ve learned in trying to adapt:

#1: Always say Bonjour right away - If possible address people as Monsieur or Madame. They’ll love you, but won’t show it, if you say “Bonjour Madame or Monsieur.” More than once I have gone up to people to ask for the time or directions. More than once I have asked a grocery store clerk where I can find a certain item. Being the American that I am, I sometimes forget to do it the French way. I say “Excusez-moi,” which you would think would be okay. But it’s not. Because the person usually turns to me and loudly says “Bonjour!” as if to tell me I’ve been rude, and they’re going to teach me a lesson. Rule number one: You must first say “Bonjour” before saying “excusez-moi.”

#2: Talk quietly - Yes, I can also be a loud American. I have been in restaurants where people turn their heads until I realize it’s not me they’re admiring, it’s my loud talking that’s irritating them. I’ve made phone calls in France and the person on the other end asks, “Madame, can you speak quieter please?” Watch out for the looks they’ll give you if you’re on your cell phone in the bus or metro! It’s all about respect for the other person. Now I consciously try to whisper when I talk. Have you ever noticed the hushed background in French airports compared to the noisier talkative airports in the States? It’s similar to their discreet clothes. Notice people in the metro: a crowd of French people will be wearing mostly black or solid dark colors, whereas an American crowd wears colorful ahem, louder, clothes.

#3: Don’t tutois people right away - There are two ways to use the word “you” in French: tu and vous. “Vous,” also used when talking to more than one person, is formal if used towards one person, for people you don’t know, or to show respect. I have even heard an aristocratic married couple use “vous” with each other. On the other hand, “tu” is informal, used for people you know well, or have a more casual relationship with and always used with children. Don’t use the familiar “tu” form with someone you’ve just met. Wait until you know the person better, then ask their permission if it’s okay that you "tutois" each other. It is considered rude to just assume you can tutois someone, even if you think you’re being friendly. Being the friendly American that I am, fifteen years ago I invited our neighbors over for drinks and suggested that we use the informal “tu” with each other. There was a long silence. I suppose they preferred to keep a safe distance. After fifteen years of living next to each other, we still use the formal “vous.” We never had drinks together again. But at least we’re polite.

#4: Don’t blab on about personal things - They’ll just stare back at you, or may even act outraged. And never ask personal questions to someone you don’t know extremely well, like what they do for a living, or how much they earn, or anything about money for that matter. If you do, always precede your question by saying, “sans indiscretion…” which means, “without wishing to be indiscreet."

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#5: Cut the cheese right - When cutting a brie or a camembert type cheese, always cut it in a pie-shaped slice, making the distribution of the rind equal for all people. It has to do with being respectful to the next person. Though tempting, never take only the fleshy part of the cheese and leave mostly rind for the others. (This is like my daughter who eats all the soft insides of a baguette and leaves only the crust for the rest of us. No!) Tip your knife into the center of the cheese and make a clean triangular cut so that everyone shares the rind equally.

By Mary Thompson, our local Parisian

For May 2017